Tuesday, 11 September 2012

quote [ Danger is an aphrodisiac, right people? ]

Marked "Work safe"

Day 1

But soft, what breaks gently against the world and stains it anew with color and hue lest we roam in monochrome and find our home in gloom and gloam neath a sun gone small and cold as sepia leaks from shadow's hold to rend the minds of young and old? ... why, it's the morning sunrise which paints [Nice town] with light!
An absolutely darling day winds itself up from the skillets and coffee pots of the town's inhabitants to loom mighty with potential energy over the thoughts of everyone, a giant invisible spring, wound of hope and fear in equal portions, tight and ready to explode onto the scene at the first provocation.
And now ... someone is screaming.
As quick as the symphony of startle winds down (dropped cups rattling, spilled and spit liquids gurgling and dripping, interwoven with gasps and shallow high rythm breaths) a new sound rises to fill it's place with a cacophany of complaints, cautions, catastrophic caterwailing, and citizens conversing in creepy clusters at the base of the fractal volcano [Nice Mountain] where there be sprawled the body of a dead person surrounded by pigeons.
Spite48, the towns Quantumvulcanologist (and only person who had a chance of understanding the fractal volcano) knows rest at last, here, surrounded by his favorite personal possessions and a bunch of pigeons.
There's his tool belt with its ever smaller pockets lining one another, his black turtleneck sweater, A set of tweezers designed to be used in series, an improvised ball-gag, handcuffs, a stack of pamphlets about the "Natural Order" of Pollygamy, an F.B.I. badge, and a couple of blurry polaroids of spite's heavily bruised buttocks.
Other than that he's simply pantsless and covered head to toe with heart shaped bruises and welts.
Spite48, the Investigator, was spanked to death by a Serial Killer known as The Death Whisperer.
Or a copycat .. can't ever rule that out I suppose.
But seriously, it was probably The Death Whisperer.
And then, just as things began to calm down again .. more screaming!

The lascivious sight of RedRiverRat hunched tightly around the known prostitute Cool_Drool has people reaching for the eyes of children to cover, but there aren't any kids in [Nicetown] right now and that makes people sad. Once certain individuals have regained their composure the situation is searched carefully, nigh nearly investigated as it were .. but little is found.
Cool_Drool's body has a rococo imprinted dent in what remains of the skull, a typical victim of the Serial Killer they call Colonel Mustard.
RedRiverRat's body is stiff with the toxins of the tropical BoolaBoola bug, the trademark strike of the Serial Killer Senoir Muerto.
Scattered cards and pieces from the boardgame CLUE.
A camera.
A map showing the location of The Hotel in [Nice town].
A copy of Ferret Fanciers magazine.
A rococo candle holder clutched tightly in the hand of RedRiverRat.
A torn note reading "TEN GRAND for a picture of The Death Whisperer".
Some keys.
A torn shoe (red, woman's, size 7)
And a dead BoolaBoola bug.

After much rearranging of the evidence it is decided that Cool_Drool commited suicide then killed RedRiverRat and planted the candle holder on him ... but a sudden gust of wind stirs the items annew and a more pleasing configuration is formed.
Cool_Drool was a Townie and a paparazzi.
RedRiverRat was the Serial Killer called Colonel Mustard and amateur chef.

macst34: Town Drunk
Arrowhen: Bartender
~~spite48: Mechanic~~ Killed by The Death Whisperer
~~RedRiverRat:~~ Colonel Mustard killed by Senoir Muerto
azazel: Tourist from Nigeria
tickaz: Tourist from Georgia (USA)
foobar: Quantumvulcanologist
lilmookieesquire: Traveling Shoe Salesman
CapnSilver: Trucker hauling chickens
Silent: Librarian
smorar_edge: Camping entusiast traveling North
KingPellinore: Museum enthusiast traveling South
kishi: Hotel Concierge
~~Cool_Drool: Prostitute~~ killed by Colonel Mustard
~~LoC: Tourist from France~~ Sploded
dead_bob: Tourist from Germany
Duncmang: Tourist from Greenland
biblebeltdrunk: Traveling Evangelist
shiftace: Plumber
~~brat#3: Cupcake Artist~~ Sploded
eggboy: Freelance Geneticist
~~Fifthspango: Franchise Geneologist~~ Sploded
~~Jewbacchus: Retired Competitve Eater~~ Sploded
TheThirstyMonk: Driver for Mr. biblebeltdrunk

[mafia game] [by -_-@3:11amGMT] [+7 Interesting]

Comments

-_- said @ 3:19am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Informative]
LYNCH VOTES GO HERE PLEASE

lilmookieesquire said @ 3:22am GMT on 11th Sep
Obviously Silent has been far too quiet.

KingPellinore said @ 3:52am GMT on 11th Sep
I decided last night to vote for the first person to vote today. Why? I dunno, it seemed a good idea at the time.

lilmookieesquire, it's nothing personal. I just hope to see you stuffed and mounted and put in the "mafia" display is all.

eggboy said @ 4:53am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
Excellent, I would like to announce that I believe I have finally isolated a section of genetic code that appears to be pure evil. Good thing I've been taking skin scrapings from lilmookiesquire while he sleeps for the last several weeks.

Now if only I could find some way to add it to the shark-men and then we'd have some real science going!

eggboy said @ 9:08am GMT on 11th Sep
I am breaking from my own investigations to follow a potential lead from capnsilver, who has always, I think, done his best to support this community.

A test then, if I die, I die for science. I'll need a volunteer or two to help me hold him down. The rest of you, stand well clear and for gods sake take notes.

I'm coming for you azazel, black goat of the desert.

eggboy said @ 3:02am GMT on 12th Sep
For the record, I don't think azazel is a baddie anymore, but he wont get lynched today so I'm not changing my vote.

eggboy said @ 3:12am GMT on 12th Sep
Alsost time, just waiting to jump on mookie if there is any last minute changes.

arrowhen said @ 5:54am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
I'm voting lilmookieesquire because he claims to be a traveling shoe salesman, but those shoes he sold me just SIT there, mocking me with their distinct lack of traveling.

CapnSilver said @ 7:54am GMT on 11th Sep
dead_bob because I want to see what another "tourist" turns up as.

DuncmanG said @ 1:15pm GMT on 11th Sep
I'll go with CapnSilver as per my comments below.

dead_bob said @ 1:29pm GMT on 11th Sep
nein nein nein! CapnSilver Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy? Er ist verrückt geworden!

macst34 said @ 2:40pm GMT on 11th Sep
Slummin' with smorar_edge under the bridge on the edge of the hotel property. *bruarp* pass the 40.

TheThirstyMonk said @ 4:06pm GMT on 11th Sep
I'll go with macst34. Town drunk seems like the perfect cover for a serial killer.

azazel said @ 5:05pm GMT on 11th Sep
So it looks like there's a tie between mookie and Capn? No, I don't have the greasemonkey script installed.

lilmookieesquire.

tickaz said @ 3:57am GMT on 12th Sep
You Nigerians are all the same - never bothered to learn how to use the internet past email.

foobar said @ 5:13pm GMT on 11th Sep
I suppose if we've lost the hotel, we no longer need kishi.

shiftace said @ 12:34am GMT on 12th Sep
no vote im not sure if lynching is a good idea until an other splody or two gets flushed out.

tickaz said @ 3:22am GMT on 12th Sep
The shifty actions of shiftace leave me to believe he has shifted an ace up his sleeve. Until further developments, I'm going to get shitfaced (I heard the local pub had a 12 drinks for the price of 11 deal going on, and being a tourist here I have nothing better to do other than make shitty puns).

lilmookieesquire said @ 3:21am GMT on 11th Sep
There's a... let's see... how many town peoples died... a decent 30% of shoe sale going on right now.

Anyone a size 7?

-_- said @ 3:39am GMT on 11th Sep
ouch ... soooo sorry man, I forgot there was a shoe salesman in the game when I wrote the narrative.
Everyone has my word that the torn shoe was just scene filler on par with the Ferret Fanciers magazine.
Continue.

lilmookieesquire said @ 4:51am GMT on 11th Sep
Hmmm? The only thing you should be sorry about is not advertising my MASSIVE SHOE BLOW OUT SALE!

arrowhen said @ 5:09am GMT on 11th Sep
What the hell am I supposed to do with 30% of shoe?

lilmookieesquire said @ 6:06am GMT on 11th Sep
Hey, can I help it if half the town is splodies?

ghostly_cool_drool said @ 3:34am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Informative]
ahhhh... As I get colder, just wanted to let everyone know... still open for business. just tuck some bills in my bra and have yer way with me.

;)

lilmookieesquire said @ 4:51am GMT on 11th Sep
I assume you won't be needing those shoes anymore?

arrowhen said @ 5:47am GMT on 11th Sep
In the wake of the tragic death of our beloved town prostitute (or the beloved death of our tragic town prostitute, whatever, who am I to judge?), it is this humble bartender's honor and privilege to announce that, for the remainder of the day, drinks are on... well, not me, obviously, but cool_drool!

That's right, folks, once you've tucked your bills into his/her/its/their bra and had your Lil' Customer serviced, yank them back out again and hand them to me in exchange for your FREE DRINK!

(Some restrictions may apply. Void where prohibited by law. Patrons ordering Arrowhen's Famous Old-Time Secret Recipe Genuine Original Classic Top Shelf Black Label Blue Ribbon Gold Medal Thrice Decorated Five Star Master Crafted Hand Signed Limited Edition Finest Quality Barrel Aged Slow Churned Fine Ground Double Blended Brewer's Vintner's Master's Founder's Double Extra Special Private Reserve Haggis Liqueur will be charged a nominal cleaning deposit of $750.)

macst34 said @ 4:53pm GMT on 12th Sep
FREE DRINK!

spite48 said @ 3:37pm GMT on 11th Sep
I am also open for 'business', despite my untimely death.

lilmookieesquire said @ 3:35am GMT on 11th Sep
Town. I've thought it over.

I fear I need to confess.

It occurs to me that my prices are SO outrageous, that the town was busy killing each other fighting over such excellent deals.

I assure you all that while these deals won't last, there is enough high quality product to keep everyone well supplied.

There is no need to continue killing each other in order to secure your own very excellent non-baby-animal made shoes of the highest quality and fashion.

DuncmanG said @ 3:58am GMT on 11th Sep
Tell me, where do you get your shoes from? It would be interesting information to have.

lilmookieesquire said @ 4:50am GMT on 11th Sep
Well, we all have secrets, don't we.

spite48 said @ 3:45am GMT on 11th Sep
There is an error in that I appear to die twice.

eggboy said @ 4:41am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
And I do believe my good friend foobar was the towns quantumvolcanologist no?

There does seem to be a worrying anti-intellectual streak in our town's recent murders, and I'm down an assistant, and with the sad death of our only prostitute I'm not sure macst34 is in terrible need of my wages.

Come on good people, we can't let horrible risk to life and limb slow the progress of science. Do I have any takers?

Oh yes, and thank you spite48 for the sample, there's quite a bit more than I needed really but I cant fault your enthusiasm.

Rest in peace you sexy beast.

foobar said @ 4:51am GMT on 11th Sep
Strange things sometimes happen when I'm busy not observing the volcano.

Sorry about the penises growing out of your vertebrae. It was that or fiery death.

eggboy said @ 6:16am GMT on 11th Sep
Quite all right old fruit, I'm actually becoming quite attached to them, they do sort of grow on you. However, without Cool_Drool around to tinker with, I'm afraid most of my experiments concerning them will have to be shelved for the time being.

I really do need a new assistant, free piggyback rides for anyone up for the position, Irish need not apply.

-_- said @ 8:19pm GMT on 11th Sep
You are right, please replace all instances of "Fractal Volcano" with "Fractal Machine Shop" and I think it will be okay.
Now I have to ditch the fractal volcano and come up with something else that would require a quantumvulcanologist ... hrmmmm... butterfly volcano? Schrodinger's Volcano?
[Nice town] doesn't have too many landmarks, I really want to use them all.

kishi said @ 8:24pm GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
"Oh, god, was that Schrodinger's Volcano erupting?" "Yes and no, let me go look."

-_- said @ 9:04pm GMT on 11th Sep
And THAT^^^ is why we have a quantumvulcanologist in [Nice town], Schrodinger's Volcano.

I suspect that sometimes it's full of cats.

spite48 said @ 12:40am GMT on 12th Sep
Dead cats or living cats?

-_- said @ 2:51am GMT on 12th Sep
I .. I don't know :0

arrowhen said @ 5:12am GMT on 11th Sep
I vote we lynch you again, just to be safe!

-_- said @ 9:06pm GMT on 11th Sep
As he is dead, I suppose you could have a "decorative" lynching.

-_- said @ 8:14pm GMT on 11th Sep
Where is your second death?

spite48 said @ 12:39am GMT on 12th Sep
I saw:

"Spite48, the towns Quantumvulcanologist ...."
and
"Spite48, the Investigator..."

and I wasn't sure if the 1st one meant that foobar had also died, or if you'd just got the occupations mixed up. But, I didn't want to be specific about the error in case you edited the entry and I accidentally revealed something that was supposed to be deleted.

-_- said @ 2:55am GMT on 12th Sep
Thanks but nah, quantumvulcanologist just keeps getting stuck in my head like an earworm or primes distribution .. it don't add up so my head fixates, and I was tired as hell when I wrote the narration (didn't get any sleep the night before) which also explains me throwing a random shoe into a narration for a game that has a "shoe salesman" ... I wonder if my creativity is waning? am I playing in an ever shrinking sandbox? is that why I'm crossing the streams?
I'm scared ... hold me?

lilmookieesquire said @ 6:15am GMT on 11th Sep
And the lordth saidth,

leth thoth whoth sellth shoeth bring down a furiousth vengeanth and righoiuth fury upon the unshoely.

lilmookieesquire said @ 6:23am GMT on 11th Sep
Let us hold hands and pay.
Less for shoes.

lilmookieesquire said @ 7:36am GMT on 11th Sep [Score:2]
Let the shoepocalypse begin

biblebeltdrunk said @ 1:09pm GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
Back off my turf.

CapnSilver said @ 7:53am GMT on 11th Sep
Okay, so that whole "local chickens for local people" was because of my conversation starter. But bear with me on this:

1) There is a serial killer convention in town.
2) The one confirmed serial killer was a tourist.
3) People tend to travel to conventions, not wait for one to happen in town.
4) Are the other tourists also non-townies? I don't think a single ID is a lot of data but it's the only data we have and so I propose we lynch another.

eggboy said @ 9:01am GMT on 11th Sep
An interesting hypothesis.

CapnSilver said @ 9:53am GMT on 11th Sep
On thinking this through more: there are 2 remaining serial killers, death whisperer and senoir muerto unless others missed their night action.
This means that not all tourists can be serial killers, unless a bunch are tards and missed the night.

I still think my theory might narrow the pool of suspects, but there's fuck all to go on. I have suspicions about eggboy who acknowledges this theory in his vote but votes for a different tourist than I do.

That is all. For now.

DuncmanG said @ 12:47pm GMT on 11th Sep
Given that we were told the roles were all assigned by Random.org, I think CapnSilver may be trying to divert attention from himself (says one of the remaining tourists).

CapnSilver said @ 1:57pm GMT on 11th Sep
So now I'm tied with mookie.

I hope we're both splodey.

lilmookieesquire said @ 2:27pm GMT on 11th Sep
All I wanted was to sell shoes.
What the hell is wrong with this town?
They some kind of footwear haters?
Someone "white out" a "not" and "shoes kind of people" from "Nice" town?

eggboy said @ 8:14pm GMT on 11th Sep
He said all extras assigned ny random.org, doesn't mean the core professions wern't deliberate.

My vote for azazel was because out of the tourists he fit in better with my previous theory, which was growing ever more insane and I was glad to try something else.

I wouldn't put it past -_- to have the serial killers be something obvious, like all tourists for the convention. Without them working together as mafia it's hard to guess them by who they vote to lynch, so he's making it easier for us. Perhaps we were meant to get em early before sinister twists (hinted at) were revealed.

Anyhoo, I think we're on a good bet with mookie, but as there's no need to risk more than 3, Imma stay here.

I'm off to work, good luck all.

Silent said @ 3:47pm GMT on 11th Sep
I am concerned with the amount of people dying without having returned their library books, we must do something before this problem reaches epic proportions.
I propose what we do is use the scientific method of putting all the names of suspicious survivors (ie: all of them but me) into a hat, then throw a dart into the air and whoever bleeds first is obviously guilty.

Who is with me?

dart said @ 9:07pm GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... thunk.

kishi said @ 7:17pm GMT on 11th Sep [Score:1 Interesting]
Residents and visitors to [Nice Town]! Former concierge here, couple things I'd like to talk about. So, we got a little lucky last night- three serial killers in town, and one of them offed the other. Hooray for a lack of professional courtesy, I'd say.

Now, how did I know we had three serial killers? Which I did- note my last message a couple hours before dawn yesterday. Well, you'd be surprised what people put on their check in information. Three check-ins for the serial killer convention in town. (And who the hell decided to set up a serial killer convention?)

And, there were more splodeys than serial killers. Which is kind of not good. Oh, and maybe that whole ghost thing?

But, the good news? Yeah, there's some good news. And not just waffles this time! The new automated check-in desk has photo records from each group and as soon as the computer is back up we can see who is who. Until then, though, your guess is as good as mine.

tickaz said @ 3:41am GMT on 12th Sep
There's a few things that people have failed to point out:

1) There's not only a serial killer convention but also a splodey convention in town, and

2) There was a note found on Cool_Drool's body offering 10 grand for a picture of The Death Whisperer.

The splodey thing is pretty obvious but the note... seems to suggest there are vigilantes or something.

I'm about 3 drinks in so my train of logic is starting to fuzz, but I am determined to get that 12th free drink.

shiftace said @ 10:58pm GMT on 12th Sep
i'm working on getting to your drunken state of logic as we speak but i must be missing something. the note offering 10 grand for the picture of the death whisperer was not found on cool_drool right. it was found in his room with redriverrat. it could have also been left by ether one of their killers. im not sure what to make of it or if ill still be alive in the morning so ill keep drinking.

foobar said @ 11:08pm GMT on 12th Sep
It suggests investigator to me.

-_- said @ 3:44am GMT on 12th Sep [Score:2]
Dusk gallops across the land on silent hooves as it pursues the slithering body of light which retreats in fear of the coming darkness.
Festive music and the laughter of children continues to not grace the alleyways and back-lots of [Nice town] while everyone gathers at the [Roadside Attractions!] end of town. Taking up positions at the shuttered carnival, with a nice view of sunset lighting the top of the condemned roller coaster, the conversation turns once again to recipes for artful appetizers and pre-dinner cocktails and their capability to "set a mood".
The hand cranked shortwave tells a tale of cities that have dropped from the communication grid, walls of fire where forests once stood, and a mysterious ice lined hole in the deep ocean where Cylon vessels stream in and out with obscure, and frightening, purpose.
kishi buzzes around the periphery of the assembly with a towel over one arm and a stack of menus tucked under the other, but no one will take a menu since it was revealed that all they list is 43 different ways to serve half a bagel..
Toasted, boiled, air dried, rubbed against "meat", salted, sugared, peppered, mocked, upside down, wet, etc..
As the last vestiges of natural light snap away from [Nice town] the fat butt of darkness plops down and leaves everyone momentarily blind until their eyes adjust to the faint luminescence of St. Elmo's Fire dancing on the blades of dry grass and rickety structures of the [Roadside Attractions!].
With a crash and a clatter arrowhen, KingPellinore, and azazel pounce on lilmookieesquire with shoes in their hands and hatred in their hearts.
"DOOR TO DOOR SERIAL KILLER!!"
"SOLELESS SHOE SALESMAN!!"
"SOCK IT TO HIM!!"
Are only a few of the phrases which escape the scuffle as the four furious fighters crash through the boarded up exterior of the Tunnel Of Love with eggboy following close behind in case the salesman somehow overwhelms his accusers. Sounds of splashing and crashing come from the dark tunnel as eggboy leans inward seeking a better view ... such is the tableau when a horrendous explosion belches flame and smoke from the tunnel, much like a cannon, as eggboy is flung head over heels to land on the roof of the shuttered Falafel Shack.
Night-blindness takes over as the gathered masses stumble, in the shadows cast by the burning Tunnel Of Love, seeking safety and solace now that another four have been removed from their ranks.
Obviously lilmookieesquire was a Splodey but of the others there is little more than blast shadow to mark that they ever existed at all.
______________________________________________________
PM me your night actions before the clock runs out OR THEY DON'T HAPPEN"

I promise: When a Serial Killer dies I'll let you know.

-_- said @ 3:45am GMT on 12th Sep
DAMNIT!!

-_- said @ 3:47am GMT on 12th Sep
Left an open tag on kishi and the only reason I put him in was for entertainment .. damn, I need to stop trying to be entertaining :(
whatever .. y'all can read bold as well as not.
<3's -n- stuff

-_- said @ 3:56am GMT on 12th Sep
At least this way the people who only read the bold text will get some syllables in em ;)

tickaz said @ 4:06am GMT on 12th Sep [Score:1 Insightful]
That bastard Arrowhen never gave me the free drink I was promised. On the plus side, all drinks now free anyway so I'm just going to lie on the ground while people pour some good ol' Georgian bourbon into my mouth.

PARTY TIME PEOPLE

Also, never trust the shoe salesman. Ever.

arrowhen's last dying gasp said @ 5:03pm GMT on 12th Sep
Good luck... guessing.... which bottles I... pissed in....

kishi said @ 5:34am GMT on 13th Sep
(Hint! All of them.)

eggboy said @ 5:04am GMT on 12th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
But he was evil, it was in his genes! Goddamnit back to the drawing board. At the least that's the end of him posting heaps of annoying videos.

eats a felafel without paying for it

KingPellinore said @ 2:09pm GMT on 12th Sep
Damn. And I never got to see the High Museum in Atlanta.

Off the to great Guggenheim in the sky, I suppose...

lilmookieesquire said @ 2:11pm GMT on 12th Sep [Score:1 Funny]
Shoepocalypse. :)

-_- said @ 3:17am GMT on 13th Sep
I'm going to be a little late with the new day .. gimme an hour or less.
lot of drama around here today.